Fear because He can't or fear because we'd have too?

So just to give everyone an update on what I'm reading it's Forgotten God: Reversing Our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit by Francis Chan.  The book is super awesome and challenging.  I know this is something that God inspired me to read because it meets me where I am at.

If you don't know Francis Chan, he is one of my many spiritual heroes.  Chan was a former pastor of Cornerstone Community Church on the Left Coast. One reason I admire Chan is his willingness to act out his faith and obediently follow God's directions.  After his book Crazy Love blew up (and to be honest I haven't even read it yet) He decided to give up his salary, gives 90% of his income away, and donates all his book royalties to charity.  To me this shows trust and faith in God because I still struggle with given God back 10% of His resources.  Lately God told Chan it was time to move on from Cornerstone and follow Him to the unknown, just like when God called Abraham to pack up and move without a destination.  Let's be honest, I realize that Francis Chan is a mere mortal/sinful man but would like at strive to be faithful and trusting in God.

Back to the Future, oops, I mean book. (Sorry B2TF has been on tv like every night since Christmas) I just am halfway through the book and I have noticed many key things.  Just like many of us can admit oftentimes we neglect the Holy Spirit.  We often pick him last for the ultimate kickball team after God the Father and Jesus the Godman.  We forget the equalness of the personhood of the HS, often viewing Him as  some sort of force or mystical power.

Chan reminds us we find ourselves afraid of the HS. Not because that we are scared that He can't do it but that He may make us do something.  Upon following and being obedient to HS we are scared of becoming like "THOSE PEOPLE."  This term can relate to both sides of the spectrum b/c we were either raised in a Church that didn't put much emphasis on the HS or were raised in a church that put a hole heap of emphasis on the freedom of the Holy Spirit.  So "those people" could be becoming charismatic and seemingly unorthodox or stone cold people who appear to have no fever.  Both extremes  are not healthy.  Both extreme push the envelope in "quenching the Holy Spirit." Living as if there is no HS is denying a part of Triune God and being so "free" without following certain guidelines which are Biblical and/or putting Words into G-d's mouth is not good.  Both sides can quench the Holy Spirit.

As you can tell this book is making me excited.  When I finish I hope I will share more.

what to do when you can't sleep, i have the answer!

So yea I totally have the answer for those sleepless nights you have when your jacked up on coffee the boy scouts made.  You know that addiction is far to sneaky! It calls your name and says, "Hey (insert name) I really could use a friend. Think of all those farmers who toiled out there for those beans. are you willing to let that work go to waste?  The scouts won't drink it all go ahead it is only 8:30." So you indulged and think to yourself, "Ahh, what's a couple cups of coffee going to do?" Little did you know it would be five hours later and you can't seem to get drowsy.

Well I have discovered you might as well do something you are going to later. There is no time like the present some people say.  So I jump in the truck and head over to the nearest Wally-World (a super short trip from mi casa) Confirming my assumption (you have been warned) their weren't a lot of people there. It was kind of like Sunday night church on Super Bowl Sunday. Back to the story, I noticed something. It was peaceful but not in a "I'm a hermit and human interaction scares/ makes me uncomfortable," kind of way.  No it seemed as though the veil of busyness and rush, rush, rush was lifted.

The workers were polite, looked you in the eye, were doing their job yet enjoying the camaraderie of other coworkers.  To be honest I was taken aback and thought this doesn't seem like Buy-N-Large, I mean Wal-mart.  Things weren't so impersonal. It reminds me to be thankful for their service and more importantly reminds me that they too are His image-bearers.  That Yeshua took on flesh, died for their sins in order to provide redemption and become justified before their Creator.  I think God was teaching me to slow down; not to be lazy but to be observant. Life is too short to go a bizillion  miles an hour because going to fast lets you miss out on the scenery. Too often I overlook the cashier and complain to myself or others without reflecting on the grace that was given to me. So yea slow down and when you can't sleep go grocery shopping at 2:00 am.

waiting just like John Mayer... haha

So it is like 2am and i should go to bed but i'm not sleepy so blogging just seemed like the next best thing while i watch surf videos (i didn't even go to the beach this summer). Although sleeping would be a good idea because i have to get up early and play guitar at a women's conference/outing tomorrow morning.

Waiting, waiting, waiting on the world to change is the theme song for the night as I reflect on this week.
It isn't that this time in my life is a bad time or that i wish i was elsewhere but i'm ready to advance. Despite my distaste for war and violence i will use the analogy of being stuck in the trenches. i am anxious for new orders or at least a little advancement. somehow my walk with God has become sort of dry and dull and i know it isn't His fault. i just need to be a little more creative, spice it up you know, learn to reciprocate God's love back to the Liberating King Himself. i am straight up Gomerin' with words about God's Word than the Authentic Articulation from Abba.

So things are starting to change, i can see the horizon. Two job interviews this past week, one which is sophisticated and meets needs and the other being way more enjoyable but not quite enough.  Worked on seminary applications and i should be getting back into the candidacy so that is around the corner.

There are still some concerns which i need to just really on God and ask him for the courage for these being: making friends and find the woman i am to pursue. now these things won't happen if i continue to be a bum and only hang around the house. they just won't happen. making friends in a new place has probably been the hardest thing i have ever done. finding"her" will come i guess, i am jus' impatient and ready for that stage of life, especially when your best friends are married/getting married/ have "found someone" you feel left behind and lonely.
So these are the things I am waiting to change...

It is a paramore feeling day...for a pessimist I'm pretty optimistic

Just talk yourself up
And tear yourself down
You've hit your one wall
Now find a way around
Well what's the problem?
You've got a lot of nerve

So what did you think I would say?
No you can't run away, no you can't run away
So what did you think I would say?
No you can't run away, no you can't run away
You wouldn't

I never wanted to say this
You never wanted to stay
I put my faith in you, so much faith
And then you just threw it away
You threw it away

I'm not so naive
My sorry eyes can see
The way you fight shy
Of almost everything
Well, if you give up
You'll get what you deserve

So what did you think I would say?
No you can't run away, no you can't run away
So what did you think I would say?
No you can't run away, no you can't run away
You wouldn't

I never wanted to say this
You never wanted to stay
I put my faith in you, so much faith
And then you just threw it away
You threw it away

You were finished long before
We had even seen the start
Why don't you stand up, be a man about it
Fight with your bare hands about it now

I never wanted to say this
You never wanted to stay, well did you
I put my faith in you, so much faith
And then you just threw it away

I never wanted to say this
You never wanted to stay
And I put my faith in you, so much faith
And then you just threw it away

new favorite band (or flavor of the week) Ocean is Theory

Here is the lyrics to one of their songs:
are these the pictures you want lost
when your house burns to the ground?
all those battles that you fought:
why are you keeping them around?
forgive but not forget it
why do we live like this?
'cause i'll always regret it
God i can't resist

tear down those pages of your book (woah)
so why write them anyway?
don't regret, embrace the day
this life has so much more to live for
it's something i would die for
just keep your conscience clean

must we force this grace to increase?
by no means!
lives are changed from these mistakes
but mercy covers sin
we owe you everything!

you're teaching me about this love
you're showing me there is enough
you're teaching about this grace
you're showing me your holy face
you're teaching me how to dance
you're showing me this is a romance
you're teaching me that as i am
i can do great things when i'm in your hands

must we force this grace to increase?
by no means!
lives are changed from these mistakes
but mercy covers sin
we owe you everything! (x2) 

a family man?

But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

 - 1 Timothy 5:8

Worse than an unbeliever, oh my gosh, that is serious.

I don't know how to take it. I want to love my family and take care of them so what does it mean though? Am I to provide monetarily or safety? 

I guess the answer is yes.

I see the world and it is a travesty, children growing up without fathers and dads; I hurt for them. I want to be a good dad, a Christian dad. I want to imitate God and perfect Fatherhood(in context I'm a dude so Motherhood wouldn't quite work, God doesn't have "gender", (post Candler edit) but alas I can't because I am a mere sinful man. So should I give up trying? No stinking way!

I want to provide for my family monetarily but not in a way that means my family lives in excess and believes that it is owed to them. I want to provide for our needs and teach my children about generosity (granted I want to give them their "I wants" too, what dad wouldn't). I don't want the pursuit of money to "provide" to become a stumbling block in having relationships with my family as we see so often in our society. Thank God I have gotten out of college and remain debt free, and I see that maybe God already had in mind for me able to provide for that future family.

To provide safety, now this one I kind of struggle with but let me explain before you go off and think bad thoughts of me).  I have recently come in conflict with past thoughts about war, killing and harm to others.  I was brought up in a society where "we are the good guys and we kill the bad guys." Now with the help of God's Word and other spiritual leaders I see Jesus teaching a new strategy in the NT. He says love your enemy, in fact pray for them, turn the other cheek, give them your tunic, walk another mile. So it seems do harm to someone does quite line up with the Gospel message, because Christ died for those despicable things which we would say "derserved to be punished, killed, or hurt." Where am I going with this? Here we go! How do I provide safety and protection for my family? I am at a standstill. Anybody's help would greatly be appreciated because I don't want to have a family someday and be unprepared or seem like an unbeliever.  (I guess the big question is do I keep my guns for protection for them or not?)

Oh well comment if you like, any pointers or point of views would greatly be appreciated.

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Dear Daddy,

In the words of Crowder, "You make everything glorious, what does that make me?" 

Thank you for inspiring him God I really need that sometimes.  Especially when I mess up and feel everything but glorious.  Help me to see others as glorious too because they are Your creation.  They have that image deo within them no matter who they are or what they do and often I forget that.  Many times I want to see the image deo in just Christians (or at the very least the ones that don't get on my nerves).  I guess that is why you say "do unto the least of these" because they are Your image bearers.  Help me to bear Your Image well and share that with others. So God you are a wonderful Creator! 

Comfort me and give me peace in the areas of my life that I am unaware of because that is what worries me most. Thank you for all of my friends even though they are scattered throughout the state or even in Kentucky. Be with them, teach them, and make them strong. Help me make new friends in a place where I am unfamiliar.  Give my old friends more friends wherever they are in life.  Keep me going, help me see life as an adventure, help me in ministry, sharing Your Word in speech and actions. Give me courage where I am timid and wisdom when I am foolish. God send me that Proverbs 31 woman to pursue (granted she may not be there yet but that is her goal). Help me to depend on You instead of thinking I can do things on my own (I know this is risky to say God but it is an area which I am weak).  Help me God to forgive those who have done me wrong because I am reminded of how much stinking forgiveness you have to have to forgive me. In all things help me to love you more and let that love overflow into the lives of other people. 

                                                                                                   Your Prodigal Son,

                                                                                                    Jonathan Brown