two blogs in a row, i'm on a role

Okay maybe I am not on a role but my Liberating King has been revealing Himself and I cannot taste and see His goodness without sharing the huge portions He provides.  I listened to sermon this morning (which was really like 10:30/11 am) and it was about courage.  The pastor started with an epic story of how a man physically stood up for the weak and despite my hunger for peace my soul rejoiced for the saving of the helpless.  You could hear the excitement and enjoyment of justice being done from the church members and the people.  So eloquently pastor led a transition from physical courage to spiritual courage, an area which I have been lacking for sometime (it's funny as a child I was bold and didn't care how people viewed me but i guess that is the whole faith like a child thing).  I am ashamed of the fact I rejoice in physical courage of people or myself but do not have the fortitude to share who I claim is the foundation of my life.  Part of me wants to "make a New Year's Resolution" and the other part of me says, "How well has that worked out in the past?"

The pastor took a part of the Scriptures we normally just glance over and made it come of the page for me.  The passage was Phillipians 1:11.  It's just an opening of a letter to the Phillipians and within the first few verses God delivers a hugemongous (so what if I make up words) message.  Paul says in my paraphrase "You guys have been with me since day one. I love you, and I can see God continually to redeem you.  It is because of our work for the Gospel which draws us together not that our kids go to the same daycare or we hang out at the coffee shop or pub together  but because we have same focus.  We have courage to fight spiritual injustices."

The next part of the message brought me to me knees and made me weep for the desire God wants me to desire.  It was a story to of the South Korean missionaries in Afghanistan back in 2007.  The missionaries were captured by the Taliban (sp?) The group was separated in groups of three and secretly passed torn pages of the Bible back and forth.  The terrorist group started executing missionaries one at a time.  Two of the S.K. men started arguing who would be the next martyr and trying to one up one another.  Later the remaining missionaries were released.  The American pastor went to visit Seoul and some of the missionaries.  In his visit the missionaries told one another he wished they were back in imprisonment because it was there they had experience courage and faith in God and the bonding together as the body of Christ.  Just like Paul and the Phillipians.  Not in the counterfeit peace and comfort of materialism of what we think is safety.  Oh how I desire to use a phrase I learned from friends, to follow God with "reckless abandon," I want to be in community with those of the same mindset.

Fear because He can't or fear because we'd have too?

So just to give everyone an update on what I'm reading it's Forgotten God: Reversing Our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit by Francis Chan.  The book is super awesome and challenging.  I know this is something that God inspired me to read because it meets me where I am at.

If you don't know Francis Chan, he is one of my many spiritual heroes.  Chan was a former pastor of Cornerstone Community Church on the Left Coast. One reason I admire Chan is his willingness to act out his faith and obediently follow God's directions.  After his book Crazy Love blew up (and to be honest I haven't even read it yet) He decided to give up his salary, gives 90% of his income away, and donates all his book royalties to charity.  To me this shows trust and faith in God because I still struggle with given God back 10% of His resources.  Lately God told Chan it was time to move on from Cornerstone and follow Him to the unknown, just like when God called Abraham to pack up and move without a destination.  Let's be honest, I realize that Francis Chan is a mere mortal/sinful man but would like at strive to be faithful and trusting in God.

Back to the Future, oops, I mean book. (Sorry B2TF has been on tv like every night since Christmas) I just am halfway through the book and I have noticed many key things.  Just like many of us can admit oftentimes we neglect the Holy Spirit.  We often pick him last for the ultimate kickball team after God the Father and Jesus the Godman.  We forget the equalness of the personhood of the HS, often viewing Him as  some sort of force or mystical power.

Chan reminds us we find ourselves afraid of the HS. Not because that we are scared that He can't do it but that He may make us do something.  Upon following and being obedient to HS we are scared of becoming like "THOSE PEOPLE."  This term can relate to both sides of the spectrum b/c we were either raised in a Church that didn't put much emphasis on the HS or were raised in a church that put a hole heap of emphasis on the freedom of the Holy Spirit.  So "those people" could be becoming charismatic and seemingly unorthodox or stone cold people who appear to have no fever.  Both extremes  are not healthy.  Both extreme push the envelope in "quenching the Holy Spirit." Living as if there is no HS is denying a part of Triune God and being so "free" without following certain guidelines which are Biblical and/or putting Words into G-d's mouth is not good.  Both sides can quench the Holy Spirit.

As you can tell this book is making me excited.  When I finish I hope I will share more.

what to do when you can't sleep, i have the answer!

So yea I totally have the answer for those sleepless nights you have when your jacked up on coffee the boy scouts made.  You know that addiction is far to sneaky! It calls your name and says, "Hey (insert name) I really could use a friend. Think of all those farmers who toiled out there for those beans. are you willing to let that work go to waste?  The scouts won't drink it all go ahead it is only 8:30." So you indulged and think to yourself, "Ahh, what's a couple cups of coffee going to do?" Little did you know it would be five hours later and you can't seem to get drowsy.

Well I have discovered you might as well do something you are going to later. There is no time like the present some people say.  So I jump in the truck and head over to the nearest Wally-World (a super short trip from mi casa) Confirming my assumption (you have been warned) their weren't a lot of people there. It was kind of like Sunday night church on Super Bowl Sunday. Back to the story, I noticed something. It was peaceful but not in a "I'm a hermit and human interaction scares/ makes me uncomfortable," kind of way.  No it seemed as though the veil of busyness and rush, rush, rush was lifted.

The workers were polite, looked you in the eye, were doing their job yet enjoying the camaraderie of other coworkers.  To be honest I was taken aback and thought this doesn't seem like Buy-N-Large, I mean Wal-mart.  Things weren't so impersonal. It reminds me to be thankful for their service and more importantly reminds me that they too are His image-bearers.  That Yeshua took on flesh, died for their sins in order to provide redemption and become justified before their Creator.  I think God was teaching me to slow down; not to be lazy but to be observant. Life is too short to go a bizillion  miles an hour because going to fast lets you miss out on the scenery. Too often I overlook the cashier and complain to myself or others without reflecting on the grace that was given to me. So yea slow down and when you can't sleep go grocery shopping at 2:00 am.

waiting just like John Mayer... haha

So it is like 2am and i should go to bed but i'm not sleepy so blogging just seemed like the next best thing while i watch surf videos (i didn't even go to the beach this summer). Although sleeping would be a good idea because i have to get up early and play guitar at a women's conference/outing tomorrow morning.

Waiting, waiting, waiting on the world to change is the theme song for the night as I reflect on this week.
It isn't that this time in my life is a bad time or that i wish i was elsewhere but i'm ready to advance. Despite my distaste for war and violence i will use the analogy of being stuck in the trenches. i am anxious for new orders or at least a little advancement. somehow my walk with God has become sort of dry and dull and i know it isn't His fault. i just need to be a little more creative, spice it up you know, learn to reciprocate God's love back to the Liberating King Himself. i am straight up Gomerin' with words about God's Word than the Authentic Articulation from Abba.

So things are starting to change, i can see the horizon. Two job interviews this past week, one which is sophisticated and meets needs and the other being way more enjoyable but not quite enough.  Worked on seminary applications and i should be getting back into the candidacy so that is around the corner.

There are still some concerns which i need to just really on God and ask him for the courage for these being: making friends and find the woman i am to pursue. now these things won't happen if i continue to be a bum and only hang around the house. they just won't happen. making friends in a new place has probably been the hardest thing i have ever done. finding"her" will come i guess, i am jus' impatient and ready for that stage of life, especially when your best friends are married/getting married/ have "found someone" you feel left behind and lonely.
So these are the things I am waiting to change...

It is a paramore feeling day...for a pessimist I'm pretty optimistic

Just talk yourself up
And tear yourself down
You've hit your one wall
Now find a way around
Well what's the problem?
You've got a lot of nerve

So what did you think I would say?
No you can't run away, no you can't run away
So what did you think I would say?
No you can't run away, no you can't run away
You wouldn't

I never wanted to say this
You never wanted to stay
I put my faith in you, so much faith
And then you just threw it away
You threw it away

I'm not so naive
My sorry eyes can see
The way you fight shy
Of almost everything
Well, if you give up
You'll get what you deserve

So what did you think I would say?
No you can't run away, no you can't run away
So what did you think I would say?
No you can't run away, no you can't run away
You wouldn't

I never wanted to say this
You never wanted to stay
I put my faith in you, so much faith
And then you just threw it away
You threw it away

You were finished long before
We had even seen the start
Why don't you stand up, be a man about it
Fight with your bare hands about it now

I never wanted to say this
You never wanted to stay, well did you
I put my faith in you, so much faith
And then you just threw it away

I never wanted to say this
You never wanted to stay
And I put my faith in you, so much faith
And then you just threw it away

new favorite band (or flavor of the week) Ocean is Theory

Here is the lyrics to one of their songs:
are these the pictures you want lost
when your house burns to the ground?
all those battles that you fought:
why are you keeping them around?
forgive but not forget it
why do we live like this?
'cause i'll always regret it
God i can't resist

tear down those pages of your book (woah)
so why write them anyway?
don't regret, embrace the day
this life has so much more to live for
it's something i would die for
just keep your conscience clean

must we force this grace to increase?
by no means!
lives are changed from these mistakes
but mercy covers sin
we owe you everything!

you're teaching me about this love
you're showing me there is enough
you're teaching about this grace
you're showing me your holy face
you're teaching me how to dance
you're showing me this is a romance
you're teaching me that as i am
i can do great things when i'm in your hands

must we force this grace to increase?
by no means!
lives are changed from these mistakes
but mercy covers sin
we owe you everything! (x2) 

a family man?

But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

 - 1 Timothy 5:8

Worse than an unbeliever, oh my gosh, that is serious.

I don't know how to take it. I want to love my family and take care of them so what does it mean though? Am I to provide monetarily or safety? 

I guess the answer is yes.

I see the world and it is a travesty, children growing up without fathers and dads; I hurt for them. I want to be a good dad, a Christian dad. I want to imitate God and perfect Fatherhood(in context I'm a dude so Motherhood wouldn't quite work, God doesn't have "gender", (post Candler edit) but alas I can't because I am a mere sinful man. So should I give up trying? No stinking way!

I want to provide for my family monetarily but not in a way that means my family lives in excess and believes that it is owed to them. I want to provide for our needs and teach my children about generosity (granted I want to give them their "I wants" too, what dad wouldn't). I don't want the pursuit of money to "provide" to become a stumbling block in having relationships with my family as we see so often in our society. Thank God I have gotten out of college and remain debt free, and I see that maybe God already had in mind for me able to provide for that future family.

To provide safety, now this one I kind of struggle with but let me explain before you go off and think bad thoughts of me).  I have recently come in conflict with past thoughts about war, killing and harm to others.  I was brought up in a society where "we are the good guys and we kill the bad guys." Now with the help of God's Word and other spiritual leaders I see Jesus teaching a new strategy in the NT. He says love your enemy, in fact pray for them, turn the other cheek, give them your tunic, walk another mile. So it seems do harm to someone does quite line up with the Gospel message, because Christ died for those despicable things which we would say "derserved to be punished, killed, or hurt." Where am I going with this? Here we go! How do I provide safety and protection for my family? I am at a standstill. Anybody's help would greatly be appreciated because I don't want to have a family someday and be unprepared or seem like an unbeliever.  (I guess the big question is do I keep my guns for protection for them or not?)

Oh well comment if you like, any pointers or point of views would greatly be appreciated.

(blank)

Dear Daddy,

In the words of Crowder, "You make everything glorious, what does that make me?" 

Thank you for inspiring him God I really need that sometimes.  Especially when I mess up and feel everything but glorious.  Help me to see others as glorious too because they are Your creation.  They have that image deo within them no matter who they are or what they do and often I forget that.  Many times I want to see the image deo in just Christians (or at the very least the ones that don't get on my nerves).  I guess that is why you say "do unto the least of these" because they are Your image bearers.  Help me to bear Your Image well and share that with others. So God you are a wonderful Creator! 

Comfort me and give me peace in the areas of my life that I am unaware of because that is what worries me most. Thank you for all of my friends even though they are scattered throughout the state or even in Kentucky. Be with them, teach them, and make them strong. Help me make new friends in a place where I am unfamiliar.  Give my old friends more friends wherever they are in life.  Keep me going, help me see life as an adventure, help me in ministry, sharing Your Word in speech and actions. Give me courage where I am timid and wisdom when I am foolish. God send me that Proverbs 31 woman to pursue (granted she may not be there yet but that is her goal). Help me to depend on You instead of thinking I can do things on my own (I know this is risky to say God but it is an area which I am weak).  Help me God to forgive those who have done me wrong because I am reminded of how much stinking forgiveness you have to have to forgive me. In all things help me to love you more and let that love overflow into the lives of other people. 

                                                                                                   Your Prodigal Son,

                                                                                                    Jonathan Brown

i finally caved and decided to make bucket list...

okay so a few months ago our church did a study called 40 days to live and decided to make a bucket list of things i'd like to do before i die... I mean you might as well have a awesome introduction to eternity eh? so here they are in no particular order

1. visit all the continents except antarctica because its too cold
2. make an acoustic cover ep
3. get married to a beautiful Christian woman who loves God and has a heart for ministry (in some fashion)
4. have children (either my own or adopt)
5. drive a right hand drive car
6. restore a car/truck
7. go and spend a week or two at a monastery
8. make a zombie movie (almost done)
9. have a regular bbq at my house for those who are in need
10. ride a train
11. live at least sometime in my life 15-20 minutes away from the beach
12. help in a church plant
13. go back to Africa  live there?
14. speak to Crowder again
15. finishing C.S. Lewis' works
16. buy some Toms
17. ride a Camel (a two hump one) - this has been a big one for me since I was a kid
18. take more risks
19. paint a big painting and place it in my living room
20. catch a barrel (this would also involve surfing more and actually doing good)
21. learn about photography
22. make more friends
23. make a wvo vehicle
24. write more poetry
25. snorkel
26. see my sister get married
27. stop drinking energy drinks and go back to coffee
28. become fluent in another language, either spanish of lugandan
29. go to an international soccer game
30. to translate another book of Bible from the Greek
31. build a tree house
32. box one more time
33. visit the amish
34. buy a schnauzer or a long haired dachshund
35. watch the sunset and stay up outside to watch the sunrise
36. when i get my own place to live go and meet my neighbors
37. put my bike back together
38. introduce someone else to Christ and His kingdom
39. play paintball (i have alway wanted too but never have)
40. buy a hammock
41. do Tough Mudder
42. go on an awesome far away road trip

What's on the other side of the table of contents?

I'm on a quest, a mission, a journey, a discovery, an adventure, to find out what Heaven is like.  It all started with the Sunday school lesson that I'm attending at church where we were talking about Heavenly rewards.  So, anyway while talking about Heaven,  I began to wonder what is Heaven really like.  Too often we hear of clouds and little fat babies in diapers with wings, which we call angels.  I hear people tell me that we will have all our questions answered without having to ask, some have said we won't know/care about our friends and love ones because all we will do is worship God (which automatically means singing in light of today's interpretation of worship (don't get me started on this ))in the throne room all the time 24/7 for eternity/  To be honest I'm not so sure, these teachings of Heaven don't exactly make me think of Heaven.  I know I have started this conversation with other people but it on my heart as something I need to explore.  I've learned in college that it is okay to question things you have been taught because relying on someone else's opinions just doesn't always cut it.  I want to know why I believe something I believe. (somethings that have changed for me in college is my opinion of eschatology, war, patriotism, capital punishment, asparagus, being green, alcohol, homelessness, among other things) The best place to research the truth of this question is The One (and no we aren't talking Neo or Matrix) who is preparing it.  In these "conversations" I have had already, a friend shared with me the a section from C.S. Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia, "

"And as He spoke, He no longer looked to them like a lion; but the things that began to happen after that were so great and beautiful that I cannot write them. And for us this is the end of all the stories, and we can most truly say that they all lived happily ever after. But for them it was only the beginning of the real story. All their life in this world and all their adventures in Narnia had only been the cover and title page: now at last they were beginning Chaper One of the Great Story which no one on earth has read: which goes on for ever: in which every chapter is better than the one before."

The term is over: the holidays have begun. The dream is ended: this is the morning."

I understand that we will worship God but I just want to know how.  I also understand that trying to articulate Heaven will be hard and will be severely lacking in a complete accurate description.  Nevertheless I want to explore this mystery (knowing in the end it will still be mystery) in order to have an opinion of what Heaven is like.   

So I really won't get into my findings yet but thought I would give who a sneak peak at what I'll be blogging about later.  Stay tuned as we take glance at the mere "table of contents" the Bible gives us about the Kingdom of Heaven (the one which is to come and the Kingdom that is being built now!)

Rewind Time... Cause it's Moving to Fast

wow, time flies and i wish it would stop! okay maybe not stop that would just be an epically bad game of freeze tag, slow down sounds better.  t-minus 28 days and my life as a college student is over. there are so many laughs, places, and friends that will will left at bpc( i hope we will stay in touch and i mean i little more than just facebook chat).  there is so much i would have done differently and so many things i would do over in a heartbeat. for instance i would have never left living on campus, i would have worked less, i would have gotten out of a particular relationship sooner, and i would have tried to make more friends.(the list goes on and on)  there are friends i have now i wish i could have invested more of my life with and now that there is little time left i am having regrets (i mean schools almost over and we all will go on our own way...which is away) but i guess thats life as it goes on you see the bigger picture and cannot rewrite the past. so now i want to live life regret free, take more risks, pursue things i once and still may be scared of, i long to have abundant life that Jesus talked about... i suppose that starts by soaking up His Word and living out His teaching and the love and excitement He gives will overrun into the relationships and activities of life. i'm excited to see what God has in store (i mean i like surprises don't get me wrong but i have big questions like what am i gonna do in ministry, will i ever get married, will i be a good dad? should i go to seminary? okay back to the blog) and thank Him for what i've been through but i do regret not taking initiative and doing somethings different (is this bad to have regrets?  okay it's not like i'm living in the past, constantly thinking about every mistake or missed opportunity but ever so often these thoughts do creep up) o well time is ticking and well its fixing to be t-minus 27 days better start this no regrets right after i catch some z's
><> J.B. <><

ever been in love?

so have you ever been so stinking in love it hurts? I'm talking about the kind of love you bend over backwards for and you really don't seem to get a response! It makes me so mad but how can I be mad when I love them?!? I have done so much for them! I've shown them patience when they complain or just do things to get on my nerves.  I have given them stuff when they didn't even realize it was me, when they ask for space I give it to them, I think they could really benefit from our relationship, I feel like I have done all I can and they just push me aside. okay I know it may sound like I'm ranting for a second, I just have to get it all out. okay, now I'm good. did i mention i love them :) it's a good love and if I have to fight for them, protect them, stick up for them I AM there! i sure do trust that our relationship is growing, We are not talking about a puppy love thing, I am positive its a love that will never die

Sincerely all of my Ahava and Agape (because that is who I AM)
Yahweh

okay your typical first blog

so hopefully this can become a habit. i really would like others to know what is up with me and letting them view the world through my eye. (yes you can laugh at that joke) but anyway i'm sure some will be serious and others (probably most) will just be silly and fun.

today has been an adventure so far.  i actually feel off a ladder today at my intern job.  during the time it took to fall i didn't have my life flash before my eyes but it did seem as though time went in slow-mo.  The only thought i had was save the projector! (no way i could dish out the money to replace it) i'm okay.. i got a few battle wounds from the ladder but they will make neat stories i guess ;)
after the "accident" i meet and had lunch with some friends and my dad just to brain drizzle about our involvement with africa. i can't wait to see what GOD has in store for us to do. i'm kinda excited about returning there next year!
be in prayer for me for my decisions for my summer so i can follow what GOD wants me to do and not what might seem easiest or whatever...