two blogs in a row, i'm on a role

Okay maybe I am not on a role but my Liberating King has been revealing Himself and I cannot taste and see His goodness without sharing the huge portions He provides.  I listened to sermon this morning (which was really like 10:30/11 am) and it was about courage.  The pastor started with an epic story of how a man physically stood up for the weak and despite my hunger for peace my soul rejoiced for the saving of the helpless.  You could hear the excitement and enjoyment of justice being done from the church members and the people.  So eloquently pastor led a transition from physical courage to spiritual courage, an area which I have been lacking for sometime (it's funny as a child I was bold and didn't care how people viewed me but i guess that is the whole faith like a child thing).  I am ashamed of the fact I rejoice in physical courage of people or myself but do not have the fortitude to share who I claim is the foundation of my life.  Part of me wants to "make a New Year's Resolution" and the other part of me says, "How well has that worked out in the past?"

The pastor took a part of the Scriptures we normally just glance over and made it come of the page for me.  The passage was Phillipians 1:11.  It's just an opening of a letter to the Phillipians and within the first few verses God delivers a hugemongous (so what if I make up words) message.  Paul says in my paraphrase "You guys have been with me since day one. I love you, and I can see God continually to redeem you.  It is because of our work for the Gospel which draws us together not that our kids go to the same daycare or we hang out at the coffee shop or pub together  but because we have same focus.  We have courage to fight spiritual injustices."

The next part of the message brought me to me knees and made me weep for the desire God wants me to desire.  It was a story to of the South Korean missionaries in Afghanistan back in 2007.  The missionaries were captured by the Taliban (sp?) The group was separated in groups of three and secretly passed torn pages of the Bible back and forth.  The terrorist group started executing missionaries one at a time.  Two of the S.K. men started arguing who would be the next martyr and trying to one up one another.  Later the remaining missionaries were released.  The American pastor went to visit Seoul and some of the missionaries.  In his visit the missionaries told one another he wished they were back in imprisonment because it was there they had experience courage and faith in God and the bonding together as the body of Christ.  Just like Paul and the Phillipians.  Not in the counterfeit peace and comfort of materialism of what we think is safety.  Oh how I desire to use a phrase I learned from friends, to follow God with "reckless abandon," I want to be in community with those of the same mindset.

Fear because He can't or fear because we'd have too?

So just to give everyone an update on what I'm reading it's Forgotten God: Reversing Our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit by Francis Chan.  The book is super awesome and challenging.  I know this is something that God inspired me to read because it meets me where I am at.

If you don't know Francis Chan, he is one of my many spiritual heroes.  Chan was a former pastor of Cornerstone Community Church on the Left Coast. One reason I admire Chan is his willingness to act out his faith and obediently follow God's directions.  After his book Crazy Love blew up (and to be honest I haven't even read it yet) He decided to give up his salary, gives 90% of his income away, and donates all his book royalties to charity.  To me this shows trust and faith in God because I still struggle with given God back 10% of His resources.  Lately God told Chan it was time to move on from Cornerstone and follow Him to the unknown, just like when God called Abraham to pack up and move without a destination.  Let's be honest, I realize that Francis Chan is a mere mortal/sinful man but would like at strive to be faithful and trusting in God.

Back to the Future, oops, I mean book. (Sorry B2TF has been on tv like every night since Christmas) I just am halfway through the book and I have noticed many key things.  Just like many of us can admit oftentimes we neglect the Holy Spirit.  We often pick him last for the ultimate kickball team after God the Father and Jesus the Godman.  We forget the equalness of the personhood of the HS, often viewing Him as  some sort of force or mystical power.

Chan reminds us we find ourselves afraid of the HS. Not because that we are scared that He can't do it but that He may make us do something.  Upon following and being obedient to HS we are scared of becoming like "THOSE PEOPLE."  This term can relate to both sides of the spectrum b/c we were either raised in a Church that didn't put much emphasis on the HS or were raised in a church that put a hole heap of emphasis on the freedom of the Holy Spirit.  So "those people" could be becoming charismatic and seemingly unorthodox or stone cold people who appear to have no fever.  Both extremes  are not healthy.  Both extreme push the envelope in "quenching the Holy Spirit." Living as if there is no HS is denying a part of Triune God and being so "free" without following certain guidelines which are Biblical and/or putting Words into G-d's mouth is not good.  Both sides can quench the Holy Spirit.

As you can tell this book is making me excited.  When I finish I hope I will share more.

what to do when you can't sleep, i have the answer!

So yea I totally have the answer for those sleepless nights you have when your jacked up on coffee the boy scouts made.  You know that addiction is far to sneaky! It calls your name and says, "Hey (insert name) I really could use a friend. Think of all those farmers who toiled out there for those beans. are you willing to let that work go to waste?  The scouts won't drink it all go ahead it is only 8:30." So you indulged and think to yourself, "Ahh, what's a couple cups of coffee going to do?" Little did you know it would be five hours later and you can't seem to get drowsy.

Well I have discovered you might as well do something you are going to later. There is no time like the present some people say.  So I jump in the truck and head over to the nearest Wally-World (a super short trip from mi casa) Confirming my assumption (you have been warned) their weren't a lot of people there. It was kind of like Sunday night church on Super Bowl Sunday. Back to the story, I noticed something. It was peaceful but not in a "I'm a hermit and human interaction scares/ makes me uncomfortable," kind of way.  No it seemed as though the veil of busyness and rush, rush, rush was lifted.

The workers were polite, looked you in the eye, were doing their job yet enjoying the camaraderie of other coworkers.  To be honest I was taken aback and thought this doesn't seem like Buy-N-Large, I mean Wal-mart.  Things weren't so impersonal. It reminds me to be thankful for their service and more importantly reminds me that they too are His image-bearers.  That Yeshua took on flesh, died for their sins in order to provide redemption and become justified before their Creator.  I think God was teaching me to slow down; not to be lazy but to be observant. Life is too short to go a bizillion  miles an hour because going to fast lets you miss out on the scenery. Too often I overlook the cashier and complain to myself or others without reflecting on the grace that was given to me. So yea slow down and when you can't sleep go grocery shopping at 2:00 am.

waiting just like John Mayer... haha

So it is like 2am and i should go to bed but i'm not sleepy so blogging just seemed like the next best thing while i watch surf videos (i didn't even go to the beach this summer). Although sleeping would be a good idea because i have to get up early and play guitar at a women's conference/outing tomorrow morning.

Waiting, waiting, waiting on the world to change is the theme song for the night as I reflect on this week.
It isn't that this time in my life is a bad time or that i wish i was elsewhere but i'm ready to advance. Despite my distaste for war and violence i will use the analogy of being stuck in the trenches. i am anxious for new orders or at least a little advancement. somehow my walk with God has become sort of dry and dull and i know it isn't His fault. i just need to be a little more creative, spice it up you know, learn to reciprocate God's love back to the Liberating King Himself. i am straight up Gomerin' with words about God's Word than the Authentic Articulation from Abba.

So things are starting to change, i can see the horizon. Two job interviews this past week, one which is sophisticated and meets needs and the other being way more enjoyable but not quite enough.  Worked on seminary applications and i should be getting back into the candidacy so that is around the corner.

There are still some concerns which i need to just really on God and ask him for the courage for these being: making friends and find the woman i am to pursue. now these things won't happen if i continue to be a bum and only hang around the house. they just won't happen. making friends in a new place has probably been the hardest thing i have ever done. finding"her" will come i guess, i am jus' impatient and ready for that stage of life, especially when your best friends are married/getting married/ have "found someone" you feel left behind and lonely.
So these are the things I am waiting to change...

It is a paramore feeling day...for a pessimist I'm pretty optimistic

Just talk yourself up
And tear yourself down
You've hit your one wall
Now find a way around
Well what's the problem?
You've got a lot of nerve

So what did you think I would say?
No you can't run away, no you can't run away
So what did you think I would say?
No you can't run away, no you can't run away
You wouldn't

I never wanted to say this
You never wanted to stay
I put my faith in you, so much faith
And then you just threw it away
You threw it away

I'm not so naive
My sorry eyes can see
The way you fight shy
Of almost everything
Well, if you give up
You'll get what you deserve

So what did you think I would say?
No you can't run away, no you can't run away
So what did you think I would say?
No you can't run away, no you can't run away
You wouldn't

I never wanted to say this
You never wanted to stay
I put my faith in you, so much faith
And then you just threw it away
You threw it away

You were finished long before
We had even seen the start
Why don't you stand up, be a man about it
Fight with your bare hands about it now

I never wanted to say this
You never wanted to stay, well did you
I put my faith in you, so much faith
And then you just threw it away

I never wanted to say this
You never wanted to stay
And I put my faith in you, so much faith
And then you just threw it away

new favorite band (or flavor of the week) Ocean is Theory

Here is the lyrics to one of their songs:
are these the pictures you want lost
when your house burns to the ground?
all those battles that you fought:
why are you keeping them around?
forgive but not forget it
why do we live like this?
'cause i'll always regret it
God i can't resist

tear down those pages of your book (woah)
so why write them anyway?
don't regret, embrace the day
this life has so much more to live for
it's something i would die for
just keep your conscience clean

must we force this grace to increase?
by no means!
lives are changed from these mistakes
but mercy covers sin
we owe you everything!

you're teaching me about this love
you're showing me there is enough
you're teaching about this grace
you're showing me your holy face
you're teaching me how to dance
you're showing me this is a romance
you're teaching me that as i am
i can do great things when i'm in your hands

must we force this grace to increase?
by no means!
lives are changed from these mistakes
but mercy covers sin
we owe you everything! (x2) 

a family man?

But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

 - 1 Timothy 5:8

Worse than an unbeliever, oh my gosh, that is serious.

I don't know how to take it. I want to love my family and take care of them so what does it mean though? Am I to provide monetarily or safety? 

I guess the answer is yes.

I see the world and it is a travesty, children growing up without fathers and dads; I hurt for them. I want to be a good dad, a Christian dad. I want to imitate God and perfect Fatherhood(in context I'm a dude so Motherhood wouldn't quite work, God doesn't have "gender", (post Candler edit) but alas I can't because I am a mere sinful man. So should I give up trying? No stinking way!

I want to provide for my family monetarily but not in a way that means my family lives in excess and believes that it is owed to them. I want to provide for our needs and teach my children about generosity (granted I want to give them their "I wants" too, what dad wouldn't). I don't want the pursuit of money to "provide" to become a stumbling block in having relationships with my family as we see so often in our society. Thank God I have gotten out of college and remain debt free, and I see that maybe God already had in mind for me able to provide for that future family.

To provide safety, now this one I kind of struggle with but let me explain before you go off and think bad thoughts of me).  I have recently come in conflict with past thoughts about war, killing and harm to others.  I was brought up in a society where "we are the good guys and we kill the bad guys." Now with the help of God's Word and other spiritual leaders I see Jesus teaching a new strategy in the NT. He says love your enemy, in fact pray for them, turn the other cheek, give them your tunic, walk another mile. So it seems do harm to someone does quite line up with the Gospel message, because Christ died for those despicable things which we would say "derserved to be punished, killed, or hurt." Where am I going with this? Here we go! How do I provide safety and protection for my family? I am at a standstill. Anybody's help would greatly be appreciated because I don't want to have a family someday and be unprepared or seem like an unbeliever.  (I guess the big question is do I keep my guns for protection for them or not?)

Oh well comment if you like, any pointers or point of views would greatly be appreciated.