waiting just like John Mayer... haha

So it is like 2am and i should go to bed but i'm not sleepy so blogging just seemed like the next best thing while i watch surf videos (i didn't even go to the beach this summer). Although sleeping would be a good idea because i have to get up early and play guitar at a women's conference/outing tomorrow morning.

Waiting, waiting, waiting on the world to change is the theme song for the night as I reflect on this week.
It isn't that this time in my life is a bad time or that i wish i was elsewhere but i'm ready to advance. Despite my distaste for war and violence i will use the analogy of being stuck in the trenches. i am anxious for new orders or at least a little advancement. somehow my walk with God has become sort of dry and dull and i know it isn't His fault. i just need to be a little more creative, spice it up you know, learn to reciprocate God's love back to the Liberating King Himself. i am straight up Gomerin' with words about God's Word than the Authentic Articulation from Abba.

So things are starting to change, i can see the horizon. Two job interviews this past week, one which is sophisticated and meets needs and the other being way more enjoyable but not quite enough.  Worked on seminary applications and i should be getting back into the candidacy so that is around the corner.

There are still some concerns which i need to just really on God and ask him for the courage for these being: making friends and find the woman i am to pursue. now these things won't happen if i continue to be a bum and only hang around the house. they just won't happen. making friends in a new place has probably been the hardest thing i have ever done. finding"her" will come i guess, i am jus' impatient and ready for that stage of life, especially when your best friends are married/getting married/ have "found someone" you feel left behind and lonely.
So these are the things I am waiting to change...

It is a paramore feeling day...for a pessimist I'm pretty optimistic

Just talk yourself up
And tear yourself down
You've hit your one wall
Now find a way around
Well what's the problem?
You've got a lot of nerve

So what did you think I would say?
No you can't run away, no you can't run away
So what did you think I would say?
No you can't run away, no you can't run away
You wouldn't

I never wanted to say this
You never wanted to stay
I put my faith in you, so much faith
And then you just threw it away
You threw it away

I'm not so naive
My sorry eyes can see
The way you fight shy
Of almost everything
Well, if you give up
You'll get what you deserve

So what did you think I would say?
No you can't run away, no you can't run away
So what did you think I would say?
No you can't run away, no you can't run away
You wouldn't

I never wanted to say this
You never wanted to stay
I put my faith in you, so much faith
And then you just threw it away
You threw it away

You were finished long before
We had even seen the start
Why don't you stand up, be a man about it
Fight with your bare hands about it now

I never wanted to say this
You never wanted to stay, well did you
I put my faith in you, so much faith
And then you just threw it away

I never wanted to say this
You never wanted to stay
And I put my faith in you, so much faith
And then you just threw it away

new favorite band (or flavor of the week) Ocean is Theory

Here is the lyrics to one of their songs:
are these the pictures you want lost
when your house burns to the ground?
all those battles that you fought:
why are you keeping them around?
forgive but not forget it
why do we live like this?
'cause i'll always regret it
God i can't resist

tear down those pages of your book (woah)
so why write them anyway?
don't regret, embrace the day
this life has so much more to live for
it's something i would die for
just keep your conscience clean

must we force this grace to increase?
by no means!
lives are changed from these mistakes
but mercy covers sin
we owe you everything!

you're teaching me about this love
you're showing me there is enough
you're teaching about this grace
you're showing me your holy face
you're teaching me how to dance
you're showing me this is a romance
you're teaching me that as i am
i can do great things when i'm in your hands

must we force this grace to increase?
by no means!
lives are changed from these mistakes
but mercy covers sin
we owe you everything! (x2) 

a family man?

But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

 - 1 Timothy 5:8

Worse than an unbeliever, oh my gosh, that is serious.

I don't know how to take it. I want to love my family and take care of them so what does it mean though? Am I to provide monetarily or safety? 

I guess the answer is yes.

I see the world and it is a travesty, children growing up without fathers and dads; I hurt for them. I want to be a good dad, a Christian dad. I want to imitate God and perfect Fatherhood(in context I'm a dude so Motherhood wouldn't quite work, God doesn't have "gender", (post Candler edit) but alas I can't because I am a mere sinful man. So should I give up trying? No stinking way!

I want to provide for my family monetarily but not in a way that means my family lives in excess and believes that it is owed to them. I want to provide for our needs and teach my children about generosity (granted I want to give them their "I wants" too, what dad wouldn't). I don't want the pursuit of money to "provide" to become a stumbling block in having relationships with my family as we see so often in our society. Thank God I have gotten out of college and remain debt free, and I see that maybe God already had in mind for me able to provide for that future family.

To provide safety, now this one I kind of struggle with but let me explain before you go off and think bad thoughts of me).  I have recently come in conflict with past thoughts about war, killing and harm to others.  I was brought up in a society where "we are the good guys and we kill the bad guys." Now with the help of God's Word and other spiritual leaders I see Jesus teaching a new strategy in the NT. He says love your enemy, in fact pray for them, turn the other cheek, give them your tunic, walk another mile. So it seems do harm to someone does quite line up with the Gospel message, because Christ died for those despicable things which we would say "derserved to be punished, killed, or hurt." Where am I going with this? Here we go! How do I provide safety and protection for my family? I am at a standstill. Anybody's help would greatly be appreciated because I don't want to have a family someday and be unprepared or seem like an unbeliever.  (I guess the big question is do I keep my guns for protection for them or not?)

Oh well comment if you like, any pointers or point of views would greatly be appreciated.

(blank)

Dear Daddy,

In the words of Crowder, "You make everything glorious, what does that make me?" 

Thank you for inspiring him God I really need that sometimes.  Especially when I mess up and feel everything but glorious.  Help me to see others as glorious too because they are Your creation.  They have that image deo within them no matter who they are or what they do and often I forget that.  Many times I want to see the image deo in just Christians (or at the very least the ones that don't get on my nerves).  I guess that is why you say "do unto the least of these" because they are Your image bearers.  Help me to bear Your Image well and share that with others. So God you are a wonderful Creator! 

Comfort me and give me peace in the areas of my life that I am unaware of because that is what worries me most. Thank you for all of my friends even though they are scattered throughout the state or even in Kentucky. Be with them, teach them, and make them strong. Help me make new friends in a place where I am unfamiliar.  Give my old friends more friends wherever they are in life.  Keep me going, help me see life as an adventure, help me in ministry, sharing Your Word in speech and actions. Give me courage where I am timid and wisdom when I am foolish. God send me that Proverbs 31 woman to pursue (granted she may not be there yet but that is her goal). Help me to depend on You instead of thinking I can do things on my own (I know this is risky to say God but it is an area which I am weak).  Help me God to forgive those who have done me wrong because I am reminded of how much stinking forgiveness you have to have to forgive me. In all things help me to love you more and let that love overflow into the lives of other people. 

                                                                                                   Your Prodigal Son,

                                                                                                    Jonathan Brown

i finally caved and decided to make bucket list...

okay so a few months ago our church did a study called 40 days to live and decided to make a bucket list of things i'd like to do before i die... I mean you might as well have a awesome introduction to eternity eh? so here they are in no particular order

1. visit all the continents except antarctica because its too cold
2. make an acoustic cover ep
3. get married to a beautiful Christian woman who loves God and has a heart for ministry (in some fashion)
4. have children (either my own or adopt)
5. drive a right hand drive car
6. restore a car/truck
7. go and spend a week or two at a monastery
8. make a zombie movie (almost done)
9. have a regular bbq at my house for those who are in need
10. ride a train
11. live at least sometime in my life 15-20 minutes away from the beach
12. help in a church plant
13. go back to Africa  live there?
14. speak to Crowder again
15. finishing C.S. Lewis' works
16. buy some Toms
17. ride a Camel (a two hump one) - this has been a big one for me since I was a kid
18. take more risks
19. paint a big painting and place it in my living room
20. catch a barrel (this would also involve surfing more and actually doing good)
21. learn about photography
22. make more friends
23. make a wvo vehicle
24. write more poetry
25. snorkel
26. see my sister get married
27. stop drinking energy drinks and go back to coffee
28. become fluent in another language, either spanish of lugandan
29. go to an international soccer game
30. to translate another book of Bible from the Greek
31. build a tree house
32. box one more time
33. visit the amish
34. buy a schnauzer or a long haired dachshund
35. watch the sunset and stay up outside to watch the sunrise
36. when i get my own place to live go and meet my neighbors
37. put my bike back together
38. introduce someone else to Christ and His kingdom
39. play paintball (i have alway wanted too but never have)
40. buy a hammock
41. do Tough Mudder
42. go on an awesome far away road trip

What's on the other side of the table of contents?

I'm on a quest, a mission, a journey, a discovery, an adventure, to find out what Heaven is like.  It all started with the Sunday school lesson that I'm attending at church where we were talking about Heavenly rewards.  So, anyway while talking about Heaven,  I began to wonder what is Heaven really like.  Too often we hear of clouds and little fat babies in diapers with wings, which we call angels.  I hear people tell me that we will have all our questions answered without having to ask, some have said we won't know/care about our friends and love ones because all we will do is worship God (which automatically means singing in light of today's interpretation of worship (don't get me started on this ))in the throne room all the time 24/7 for eternity/  To be honest I'm not so sure, these teachings of Heaven don't exactly make me think of Heaven.  I know I have started this conversation with other people but it on my heart as something I need to explore.  I've learned in college that it is okay to question things you have been taught because relying on someone else's opinions just doesn't always cut it.  I want to know why I believe something I believe. (somethings that have changed for me in college is my opinion of eschatology, war, patriotism, capital punishment, asparagus, being green, alcohol, homelessness, among other things) The best place to research the truth of this question is The One (and no we aren't talking Neo or Matrix) who is preparing it.  In these "conversations" I have had already, a friend shared with me the a section from C.S. Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia, "

"And as He spoke, He no longer looked to them like a lion; but the things that began to happen after that were so great and beautiful that I cannot write them. And for us this is the end of all the stories, and we can most truly say that they all lived happily ever after. But for them it was only the beginning of the real story. All their life in this world and all their adventures in Narnia had only been the cover and title page: now at last they were beginning Chaper One of the Great Story which no one on earth has read: which goes on for ever: in which every chapter is better than the one before."

The term is over: the holidays have begun. The dream is ended: this is the morning."

I understand that we will worship God but I just want to know how.  I also understand that trying to articulate Heaven will be hard and will be severely lacking in a complete accurate description.  Nevertheless I want to explore this mystery (knowing in the end it will still be mystery) in order to have an opinion of what Heaven is like.   

So I really won't get into my findings yet but thought I would give who a sneak peak at what I'll be blogging about later.  Stay tuned as we take glance at the mere "table of contents" the Bible gives us about the Kingdom of Heaven (the one which is to come and the Kingdom that is being built now!)